11 signs you are now a boring adult

Okay I’ll admit it: I’m not 30 yet and already I’m most definitely a boring adult. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what exciting is anymore, or maybe my idea of exciting is dangerous. Even at the University, I disliked big, sweaty, crowded parties where people whooped and hollered over spirits, beer, wine and fried meat. I would sit on the chair – if I eventually attended – chug my fried meat out of misery, and hope that my friends would want to leave soon so I could go back home to do something else. But at least I pretended, you know?

Now, I have become the word itself. No more pretending – I have fully embraced it. Not going to be ashamed about it anymore. I like reading online in bed and wearing my birthday suit all day long. I like having an indoor day and taking comfort in the fact that after work, I’ll get to treat myself to an old Harry Potter episode while I chew the same gum brand I have been chewing since the pandemic started.

If you’ve recently felt yourself slope into boring adulthood, just know: you’re totally not alone. Here are 11 signs you’ve acceded to the ordinary:

1. It’s Friday night and you’re in your underpants checking your e-mail

It’s almost the weekend and yeah baby, you say TGIF! JK, you’re probably exhausted, playing a highlife collection Boomplay curated for you, and reading e-mails. So what? It feels therapeutic.

2. Your ideal vacation is spending the night at a hotel room with a ladder-full tub and Netflix

A trip abroad? (which Yellowlyfe can plan for you) Well, that would require a lot of planning and walking and studying languages and buying travel items, and then feeling alienated because you’re a quarantine baby and don’t feel too connected to the world. Ideally, you would just find a bed and breakfast an hour away from you, where you could read in the bath and look at the ceiling.

3. Your neighbours are having a loud party and you are complaining very loudly to yourself

We don’t call the cops’ around here for such, so it will be a jerk move, but you are tempted to knock on your neighbour’s door and ask what the heck is going on. Just playing ‘Soapy’ (by Naira Marley) at that volume should be a criminal offence. Hmm…you kind of like this new aggressive, ornery you.

4. You no longer have time for fun ringtones

You used to switch up your ringtone every week or month. Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love” was your “fun and frisky” ringtone. Now? It’s just the default whatever. Or better yet, vibrate. Whatever, it’s not your job to DJ your phone calls.

5. You actually have money in your bank account because you are always home

That’s at least one of the endless perquisites to being a boring adult—you spend so much time working and pursuing cheap, lazy forms of entertainment like Netflix that you one day realise you’re basically a millionaire (Leemao! we wish).

6. Your email inbox is categorised and neatly organised

And all your spreadsheets are colour-coded. You dedicate at least one hour per week to doing Outlook maintenance (pun intended), because unread messages make you feel like your life is spiralling out of control.

7. You’ve slowly begun replacing your party clothes with in-house wears

You used to have elaborate babarigas and stylish danshikis, sexy sheer tops, pearl crusted sneakers, and funky-patterned jeans that actually looked good on you. But now those sit cultivating dust and are probably slowly being eaten by bacteria because you choose to wear comfy “loungewear” all the time and you’ve never been happier.

8. When friends cancel plans you had with them, you do a secret happy dance

“Oh! I really wanted to go out to do something fun,” you text back, pretending to be bummed out and slightly peeved while on the inside, you’re secretly vigorous with glee. Home is the best place to be right now.

9. You go to the same three restaurants over again

You have your Sweet Sensation, your Chinese rice place, and the Amala restaurant. What more could you need?

10. Your Instagram profile picture hasn’t changed in the last six months

It’s the same one from that hangout you don’t even remember going to because it was so long ago, but whatever. You don’t have time to be switching out your Instagram profile picture every day when you could be on Pinterest or online shopping for fancy table lamps instead.

11. You have a slight panic attack anytime the restaurant you’re in is too loud with disco music

Especially when you’re with someone, and all you want to do is have a conversation over chicken and chips and now you can’t because a remix of some song by Kizz Daniel is blasting and that means you have to speak louder, and probably repeat things. Ugh.

Is this you? Now share so other boring adults can see themselves in the article.